Only with God's Timing

Just a few months ago, my dad got a job! :) Unfortunately, that job has made him move, not only an hour or two away but across the United States, all the way to Washington state! This move has been very hard for all of us in the family, but I know it was God moving in our family. This move has been especially hard on my dad; he's gone from 26 years of a house full of kids and transitioning to a one-bedroom appartment by him lonesome-self. I can only imagine how dull life can be when you're all alone, without any family around. I have to give him a lot of honor for making such a big decision for his family, himself, and for God. I miss him a lot!




My Alone Time
The months of June and August my mom, sisters: Audrey and Clara, and my brother: Sam are all going out to visit my dad for a month each time, that leaves me and David home alone! Can we say PARRRTTTYY??? I think YES! :) I do like all the siblings and parents home, but this experience almost one week now, has been a blessing! I like the time all to myself and the house nice and quiet! I'm enjoying it ever so much and wish it could be like this forever! It makes me want to have my make very own little appartment even more than ever! At times I do miss them all, especially Audrey, I miss her cute little face and her little---BIG attitude that always makes me laugh. The Audrey that will always be so helpful and kind, yet that can be so mean! I miss her terribly much! However, I know this all part of God's plan, and that's why I am so humble and excited about this whole experience as well! Thank you God for always looking after your children! I give all my honor and glory to you!


God's Timing

As I've said before, I believe all of this is all because of God, his plans for me and for this entire family. I know that God has a timing for everything, one in particular, my foot surgery. Like my mother, her mother, and down the family generations I have the most dreaded bunions! A bunion grows on a bone on your foot that causes your "big" toe to grow to grow on an angle. This picture shows what a bunion is the white thing inbetween the two bones is a bunion, which conitues to grow and get bigger, pushing the tow farther and father towards the littler toes. When they grow, it causes a lot of pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only way to reduce and hopefully eliminate this pain is to have surgery. The picture below shows a before and after surgery. The black portion on the left will be bone that gets cut off, then screw the bones back together and turn your tow straight, and cut a tendon that had been tight and pulling on the bones to release the pulling on on the "big" toe.

Post surgery, I will be able to walk after a minimum of six weeks! However, I'm having my surgery done as early as I can in the summer so I can hopefully return to school in the fall, without having much difficulties walking as much as I will be.


As much as a pain this will be, both mentally and physically I know this is the correct decision to have it done now, in this summer of 2012.


You may be asking yourself, how is this in God's timing? There are many summers for one's foot to heal, right? Yes, it may be right, there are many summers for a foot surgery; however, this summer I felt was the best one for a about a year or two now. I've been planning on this surgery for a long time, I've been having a lot of pain with this, which hasn't let me work out in the gym like I once was able to, along with the factor that I'm getting old for my sport, crazy huh? Only 19 years old, and I'm getting really old for my sport? Gymnastics is just a crazy sport like that, unlike many other sports, like track and field, where you have mostly older(middle-upper 20's and above ages) in the spor and  at the Olympic level. Many Olympic gymnastics are between the ages of 16 and 18! However, my personal opinion believes that there are a few younger than that competiting from China(it is illegal to compete and the Olympics younger than 16 years old). So me, training at 19 years old, my body is slowing down, and I can't go-go-go without getting tired and drained like I used to be able to. My body is slowing down, it's been killing me to actually admit this, but my body isn't the same. My muscles get so weak after one work-out, or conditioning. The saddest thing though, is that I'm not training 4 1/2 hours like I used to, I'm only training about half that each time!


Anyways, last year, my shoulder had been hurting, especially on bars, I thought it was because I was doing a particular skill(giant) wrong and that was causing my pain. In result, I stopped training that skill beacuse it hurt so much. Then my shoulder wasn't bugging me anymore and I started training it again, in the summer (2011) and kept making the same error, but getting better and fixing the problem slowly. Then in February, my shoulder started hurting like it had the year before that, I thought, it's because of those darn giants. Again, I stopped training giants to help my shoulder, and started working on other skills, improving on them. My shoulder didn't hurt as much as it did, but it was still hurting a lot so around late February, early March, I just stopped training bars altogether, hoping the pain would stop because bars is what irritated it the most.


The pain still hurt, just not like it was when I trained bars so I thought, "I'm tough, I can work through this, it's just something I have to wait-out." Three months later, no change, only that it was starting to hurt worse and worse like it had been at bars. My coach was asking me where it hurt and was it ever feeling any better, sadly I had to tell her the truth, it wasn't getting better, only worse. She suggested that I go see Rachel (a friend of hers, who's a doctor who understands how a gymnast's body works, is the best way I can describe her). I put off going to see her for a while, a few weeks. But one day on a Friday practice as we were conditioning, I had gotten to the point where we had to do push-ups on a beam;  my shoulder had always hurt when I had to condition, but my mind set was "work through it, you're tough!" and that mind set kept me going and working through the pain. However this time that mind set didn't help me; I lowered down, but I couldn't push myself back up. I didn't know why I couldn't so I collapsed and tried again and again! I tried three times before I gave in, punched the balance beam and said a few words under my breath (a few words I won't tell you). At that point it was my breaking point, I couldn't do a push-up, not because my muscles were to weak, but because my shoulder wouldn't allow me to! I cried, had a fit, said some words, and just laid there, with saddness, knowing my body wasn't allowing me to do a push-up! A push-up, when I've done, thousands of them in my career!!  The following day, I finally caved in to my coaches(Karla's) wishes and made an appointment to see Rachel. She had me get x-rays taken of my AC joint, rotator cuff, and clavicle. I hated having those x-rays taken, it hurt so bad! One x-ray in particular, I had to hold a weight to open and move my muscles and bones around, it hurt sooooo bad, having to hold them!! A week later I called her office for the results......






She said the x-rays weren't completely clear, it could be a fracture in my clavicle, but she wasn't sure and referred me to an orthpaedic surgeon. She told me they put me in a clavicle cast. My first thought was like "oh no they won't! I would rather suffer through the pain that look silly and be but in a clavicle cast, I mean that kind of cast must be funky, huge, clunky, and silly! they will NOT be putting me in NO cast!" I went back to the mind set of "you're tough, you just have to push through the pain!" Hopefully thinking, I could at least train beam, the event that hurt my shoulder the least. However, when your coach and doctor are friends.... It's a NO GO! I couldn't do anything!! I couldn't even do beam! I could only condition my legs and stomach(of which didn't break Karla/Rachel's rules) rules of nothing that hurt it and not being inverted. So just about any stomach condition was out of the picture but a very small amount. The only things at gym I was able to do were ice my shoulder(which ALWAYS felt good) having ice on my shoulder was always a relief to have on, condition my legs, hips, butt, and do a few stomach conditioning. Being at the gym seemed like hell on earth! I hated being at the gym, when I couldn't do anything, it was like putting a desert right in front of my face, being able to see the chocolate drizzled over the desert and plate, being able to smell the warmth, being able to feel the spoon, lift it but not being able to dig into the desert with it, and hearing it being placed before me, but NOT being able to enjoy even one bit from it! It was TORTURE!!!!


Also during this time, my chest had been hurting, so I had to really lay of training, and condition my body too hard. On a Saturday, the day of Bethany's bachlorette's party, I was at gymnastics and my chest was hurting more than usual. Karla told me to go to the ER, so I listened to her. The did an ECG, chest x-ray, bloodwork, and said nothing is wrong and gave me some heart burn medicine. Of course, I knew it was heartburn and didn't even get the precription filled. That following Thursday, I had a doctor's appointment with my regular doctor to have the surgery on my foot okay'd (saying I was healthy enough to have it done) I brought my chest hurting up to her. It wasn't heartburn, it is Costochondritis, which is inflamed ribs. The only treatment is taking an anti-imflamitory medicine at every meal, and not much excersing, which will only make it worse!


So, not only do I have a shoulder injury that won't allow me to do gymnastics until I'm healed, but I also have inflamed ribs that prevent me from working hard.


I've felt that my gymnastics is being taken away from me, and there is NOTHING I can do, to prevent this from happening. My foot surgery, I believe has been a blessing, it will allow my shoulder to heal, as my foot heals as well. It isn't allowing me to even be tempted to try any gymnastics because it's not even in the picture right now. It's heart breaking to have this situation, but I know God has his plans for me and I am just trusting He knows whats right for me.


Sometimes it's hard to think about gymnastics, I won't know if I will be able to work-out in the fall with my foot, shoulder, and Costochondritis that I have. But I know, having this surgery will be right for me to have it this summer, in 2012. I know because it is allowing me to heal my entire body at one time, both my shoulder and foot, without even being temped to try to gymnastics because I'm not at the gym, conditioning nor coaching it to have any temptation or pain. While I do miss it INCREDIBLY much, it is much better not even being able to go to the gym and have an "whoa's me, poor me, moments" I would if I were at the gym. I also have been re-assured that this summer is the best one because I am home with David by myself, I don't have to worry about siblings bumping into me, screaming in my ear, making me mad. I can relax, watch TV and movies by myself. Not only will I get to be by myself, but I have insurance right now, that will cover the cost, I have a bunion that will only continue to grow bigger and bigger and hurt worse as I grow older, and time will only make this surgery hurt worse. I know this is the best summer to have it done, I am 100% sure it is, it's just hard not knowing if gymnastics will ever be in the picture again, and above all, the whole process scares me to death!!!! I'm soo scared about everything that will be in my future that this will determine!!




Off to work I go!!


<3 Kellijean